Just an Observation

Posted by Lady D on 21 October 2015 | 0 Comments

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I have been in this life style for several years. I am far from a “senior” title, but I am also a good ways away from being a “newbie”. I am at the adolescence stage in life, not just in the community. It’s a mix between having much to teach, and even more to learn. It’s not without its pros and cons to say the least. During my time I have seen many things that I once heard rumors about, some were flukes, and some were spot on. I have also been in long enough to witness the start of what I call the “Grey Era” (see other writing). It seems as if stages of growth and fall were put into fast forward during this time. Many have come in to the life style, some left as fast as they come in, some stay a little longer, and a few realize it’s their true calling. Each has their reasons for doing one or the other. With the speed of how fast things move due to this Era, I have noticed several trends. Now mind you this is purely my observations and personal view points, nothing more.
Quick in-Quick out: Typically due to someone one hearing about this “life style” of servitude, and thought “I can play that game, sounds like fun”. I mean honestly who wouldn’t love the idea of servants at your feet making your bed, fixing your meals, cleaning your house, all your wishes sexually. Or on the other side of the slash, who wouldn’t want to be pampered, spoiled, protected, cherished on a Pedi stool, and sexual freedom. Seems they learn the effort involved, or learn the hard way what it truly means to “Submit” to some one. Either by taking the responsibility of another, or figuring out the expectations of giving that submission.
Honestly people, use your dictionary. It’s right there. This isn’t a slang use of the word. It’s exactly what it says “To submit to a higher power or authority”. Please, Please, Please do your basic research.
One that stay just a little while: These are the ones that stuck around long enough to learn through experience what it’s about, or at least a glimpse of it. Usually the ones who make it past the first 6 months or so. Providing that haven’t had a bad encounter, or not one bad enough to have them running for the hills. (We all know someone who has this story to tell, as well as our own). They are still learning, and trying, but now life is getting in the way. The newness has worn off. No pure excitement of going to an event for something you have never experienced every time you go out. Now you are seeing the normal life, school, work, kids, relationships, etc… Slowly you fall back into vanilla. The life style isn’t easy, and requires lots of work, especially in the beginning. You question yourself, “Is it worth it all? Can’t I just go every once in a while? Do we really have to play this ALL THE TIME? Can’t we just hang out with my/our normal friends?” For those submissves it’s the hardest, if it’s a natural mindset, they will find other places to give their submission, and jobs are the most common. You’ll find that promotion, better job, better position, or that new project starts to take over your time. You go to less events, research less, spend more time working, more devotion, more focus on your new found goal. Like I said before, pros and cons. These are the ones I hate to see leave, so much potential, but this change happens so gradually they don’t realize it till it’s already happened.
Those that stay: These people are the ones that finally filled the gap in their lives they always knew was there, but didn’t understand. They found themselves at home with kink. Incorporated it into their lives fully. Understood the effort required. Pushed past the “bad encounters”, learned from them. Helped others in the community grow. Ventured out to the events, munches, parties, classes, etc.. Went beyond adding this into their lives, but actually made it their lives. Still find the excitement of going to events to do something they have done 100s of times before. Still feel the charge from likeminded people. Careless what the vanilla world thinks, because we know they don’t understand. Learned the true meaning of Submission.
I have lost many friends through these stages, and gained family from them as well. I hate to see each one go, and I try not to be the one rescuing every “lost puppy” I run across just because I see the potential in them. Oh how I would love to, but I have to think about my House first. I have also been burned many times with those that I put the effort into, only to have less than half returned. Doesn’t mean I have ever stopped, nor will I. Those with experience and knowledge must pass it on to those who seek it. Doesn’t mean it has to be given freely, some effort it required. But guidance is a must, or we as a community will fail to grow or survive. Education is a must in life, this is no different.

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QA Forum April 2008 The best of Elise Sutton

Posted by Lady D on 28 March 2013 | 0 Comments

This question deals with submission to female authority. I do not have a problem with that provided I view the woman as a leader (which I do with you). I am a little different in that I want to submit to a woman and her man and or other women and men in her household.

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A Speech By Vi Johnson

Posted by Lady D on 28 March 2013 | 0 Comments

Greetings everyone, I wanted to share this speech with you. For those of you who have ever heard Vi Johnson, you know that she is a powerful speaker and a passionate woman. She was honored at BlackBEAT for all of the contributions that she has made in our lifestyle. I hope you enjoy this and more importantly, I hope it makes us think and calls all of us to action...... .always, Lady D

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Relationships

Posted by Lady D on 28 March 2013 | 0 Comments

The questions were, "Why do you think that BDSM Relationships don't last?" and "What is your goal in your relationship?" For me, there is not just one goal as far as my lifestyle relationships since I have several and they are all different. My lifelong partner is a Dominant Switch female and we have been together for over 7 years. I also have a female slave who is a Dominant and we have been together for almost 10 years. My boy and I have a Mommy/boy relationship and he has been with me for over 4 years. I have submissives who serve me part time and have been doing so for several years and I also have subs who are primarily play partners or only serve me when they are in town or the opportunity arises. With each relationship, we sit and negotiate what and how it will be and quite often, we renegotiate when it is necessary and/or the dynamics of the relationship changes. For me, regardless of the relationship, there must be honest and clear communication and it takes work on all parties part to make sure this is happening. As far as my take on why there are so few long term relationships, there are two main reasons, I believe. Society in general are having less long term relationships and people are divorcing and/or splitting at the drop of a hat and this is just as apparent in this lifestyle. There is a group conscious mindset in society right now, that if it doesn't work, we'll end this and start again, elsewhere with someone else and many Enter the Relationship with this mindset. I believe in doing so, you don't feel the same kind of 'forever' commitment that many of our predecessors did and subconsciously, I don't think people work as hard because of it. (Sorry, that was the therapist in me talking, lol.) The other reason is the perceived contradictions (the fantasy vs. reality) in this lifestyle. There are the slaves and subs who think that they are to be used and abused and tossed away and that they have no rights and no say so. Of course there are Dominants who feel and think the same and treat them that way. Finally, there is some misconception that this is not a REAL Relationship and the guidelines are not the same. They indeed are and you have to work at a BDSM relationship the same way as a vanilla one. The similarities are not that different and if you take out the kinkiness (GOD Forbid, lol) all of the rest of the parameters are pretty much the same. I teach a class about this same thing. We live in the real world but many are so immersed in the fantasy, that they ignore or forget the rest. They think that the 'kink alone' will sustain the relationship and just like one that may be founded on 'just sex' or any other type of external criteria with no substance, it soon crumbles and falls. We think sometimes that we have this 'magic potion' because we are into BDSM and we don't work on the things that maintain and SUSTAIN a relationship. Anyway, thats my story and I'm sticking to it.........always, Lady D

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So You Want To Be A Slave: The Realities

Posted by Miria Hunter on 21 February 2013 | 0 Comments

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By miria hunter miria_hunter@softhome.net

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Words of advice for submissives

Posted by Lady D on 21 February 2013 | 0 Comments

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In a message dated 12/18/2007 8:42:34 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, CLOAK@yahoogroups.com writes: I am shocked, I am scared and uneasy since I do not have a Real Time DOM I am at the mercy of these parasites, but most of all I am PISSED at these people who are taking something what is given to them and abusing it and then throwing it away like it is garbage,, WHAT CAN BE DONE TO HELP PROTECT THE SANCTITY OF OUR LIFE STYLE AND OR LIVES FOR THAT MATTER,, THE BAD DOMS ARE GIVING YOU GOOD DOMS A REALLY BAD NAME AND WRAP… After what happened to me this weekend I am really thinking about walking away from this life because I am cant trust that I will be safe….

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My Writings

Posted by Lady D on 21 February 2013 | 0 Comments

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These are a few of the things that I have written throughout the years. Some of the date back to my adolescence and some are quite recent. They are in various forms, letters, poetry, short stories, streams of consciousness, articles and even excerpts from my journal. They are sometimes lifestyle related but they are always life related. These are my own thoughts and feelings and in no way reflect anything other than that. I share not only my joy with you but my pain as well and hope that through sharing my experiences, it will help to strengthen and encourage you. It will also shed some insight into who I am, what I believe and I hope for you to know and understand me more intimately. You are free to share any of my writings as long as it is not for profit or publication and you must get permission from me before doing so. This will include magazines, newspapers, online or written publication and any other media. I still believe in the “Each One, Teach One” philosophy so if you learn something from these pages, please act responsibly and ‘pass it forward.’ Feel free to e-mail me and share your opinion. As always, Keeping Love in the Lifestyle, Lady D

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